From One Moment To The Next

Some nights when we visit the girls it doesn’t always go as planned. It’s taken me a bit of time to get my thoughts together about our visit this week.

We arrived and the girls were going outside to hang out on the play ground. I had a heart to heart with one of the girls about her baby boy who is living at home, without her. We talked about living her life and setting goals to benefit him, giving her motivation to accomplish big things.

Afterwards the girls were teaching me to hang upside down from the monkey bars. For those of you who don’t know, I’m not the most coordinated individual, so I was nervous. We were laughing and hanging out as if we were just a normal group of friends hanging out at the park  . In case you wanted to know I did succeed

Almost instantly the entire mood of the group changed as two girls got into a physical fight. It rounded up a bunch of the other girls and the scene turned to mere chaos. The girls were acting out at one another in language, emotional and physical ways. It’s nothing like I’ve ever seen before.

Ms Em, Katrina and I took a step back. We talked about how we get to see all of these girls. We learn about their personal lives and what they’ve experienced. Then we watch how they react in violence due to their history or the environment in which they’ve been raised. It’s a vicious cycle, they grow up learning violence and then they express that violence to one another.  It was heart breaking to see how detrimental the girls can be to one another.

We eventually made our way into the building to do poetry. We debriefed the incident from outside a bit together. We wrote poetry and changed the mood by acting out silly and happy scenarios. It was awesome.

One of our favorite girls was leaving the home this week. It was time to say goodbye. We exchanged contact information and hugged and talked about how great she was going to do in her new placement. And guess what? We even got the change to pray with her, two other girls and a staff member. We held hands and prayed to the God that loves us so much for grace and wisdom. For guidance and understanding of the things in our lives. Needless to say it ended on a good note. I’m learning that I can’t blog just about the good days, but about the tough ones too.

Innocent Girl

Sometimes after the girls leave Wordsworth I am blessed to continue developing our relationship.  I am extremely close with one girl.  We talk frequently and I even got the chance to visit her!  We talk about her life, my life, funny stories, about how God can provide comfort and we often pray together.  Her writing is inspiring as she is continuously honest and passionate.  Below is one of her poems, please comment as she wants to hear what others think about her writing and her story! 

Innocent girl… addicted and abandoned at birth, no one left on this earth, she’s only a newborn already unwanted, already paying for moms mistakes unconfronted…  

Ages one to five she starts to notice, real mommy and daddy gone but she doesn’t lose focus, she was always taught to never show a tear, but not fully alone for her sister is near…  

Ages six to eleven the abuse starts, adopted dad showing love through his dick not his heart, he loves mommy but he loves her more, letting friends touch always worst than befor…  

Twelve years old and there’s still no love, sexing twenty- thirty year olds hangin with the thugs, her sister starts cutting so she starts running from home, CYS finally caught up she’ll be even more alone…  

thirteen to fifteen the fighting cocane cutting and liquor comes in, from place to place drugs sex & alcohol her only friends, AWOLing to party and do whatever she pleased, systems getting fed up but with rage she is diseased…  

fifteen to sixteen homelessness takes place, nothing is left black is her heart nothing shows on her face, she hates every inch of herself and the world, in love with death no longer an innocent girl.  

 

Reunited And It Feels So Good

            Tonight was the first time I have seen the girls since June!  Needless to say I was extremely excited traveling there.  On the car ride there Katrina, Ms. Em and I got to catch up and share all of our hopes and ideas about how to minister to the girls this semester. 

            When we arrived at Wordsworth we decided to only see the older girls today.  We were waiting in the poetry room when I heard screams of excitement.  One of the girls I had written letters to all summer ran into the room.  She hugged me and literally tackled me to the ground.  It was so wonderful to see all of their smiling faces and give them hugs.

            Tonight I must confess, we didn’t do much poetry.  We more celebrated being together again.  The girls just wanted to sing and dance.  So tonight we watched as they preformed.  Our line up went from gospel music to Beyoncé to Justin Beiber, it could not have been any more hysterical.  Then we sat, chatted and caught up on our summers.   On top of reconnecting with girls I knew through the year I met a lot of new girls tonight.  I’m so grateful that our first memories together were happy ones. 

            Sometimes when we go to visit the girls it isn’t always serious conversation.  We don’t always read poetry or talk about God.  Many times the girls just need to laugh.  They need someone to listen to them sing what is on their heart.  To watch as they show off their dances moves.  To eat home baked good with and share funny stories.  And tonight we did just that, we reunited together and simply had a good time.  

Words of Wisdom From Ms. Em

            My current location is Mexico, on vacation with my family.  I have been spending some time editing the book of poems we are hoping to publish of the girls work.  As I read, the more I am reminded of the strong emotions the girls feel.  So many of them write about broken relationships with their parents.  Some girls apologize to their parents for disappointing them.  They feel like they have let their family down by being placed in Wordsworth.   Other girls at talk endlessly about desiring to be loved by their parents.  They write about abandonment, frustration and anger they feel toward their parents.  Their poems discuss parents involved with drug addiction, abuse, separation, loneliness, poverty and other difficult issues. 

Reading all of their poems reminded me of a Wednesday night at Wordsworth with Ms. Em.  A young 11 year old girl was telling us about her weekend.  She said something along the lines of, “I went home to see my dad, I haven’t seen him in months.  Rather than spending time with me he left me home with his girlfriends child.  I babysat this 3 year old boy as my dad went out to smoke weed and spend time with his girlfriend.  I missed my dad and he couldn’t even spend time with me.  I hate him.”  I was stunned and speechless, how do you respond to that?  Ms. Em looked her straight in the face and said, “We don’t hate people, we hate the things they do.”  This young girl was so taken aback she expressed to Ms. Em that she is correct.  That night we talked a lot about forgiveness and hoping for the best in people.  The girls started to see their relationship with their parents in a new way.

The words Ms. Em spoke still challenge me today.  I’ve recently learned a simple lesson, you cannot control what other people do.  It seems so simple but I think hard to accept.  We can only control our actions and how we react in situations.  The most I can do is make sure my actions glorify God daily and that I am continuously showing others his grace, love and mercy.  Just like the girls we all struggle with relationships, theirs sometimes more complex then our own.  Needless to say Ms. Em has some wise words of wisdom to ponder, “We don’t hate people, we hate the things they do.”  

Driving Along.

            For those of you who do not know, I work at a Christian camp all summer long which means that I have not been to Wordsworth since June.  Despite not being able to see the girls, I still stayed connected.  I was blessed to have incredible friends who helped me craft picture frames, bracelets, stationary and earrings in order to raise money for the girls.  Sometime in the next two weeks we will be setting up and entire section of Ms. Em’s bookstore just for the girls.  Aside from crafting Ms. Em sent me a first draft of the book we are publishing and University of Delaware’s UDaily online newspaper asked to write an article on the girls home.

            As I was driving home I was in awe of all that God has provided and aligned this summer for the girls.  I thanked God for providing friends that care about the girls as much as I do.  That they were willing to selflessly serve with me!  I prayed that God would continue to use me as a servant for his ministry.  I looked around at all the cars quickly passing on 80 and I felt so insignificant and humbled that God would choose to use me as a witness.  Out of all the people he could have chosen, he picked me!  Christ truly took hold of the dream Ms. Em, Katrina and I had for these girls and it is coming to life.  I just pray that as I start to continuously visit the girls regularly again I will be able to portray the grace, strength and love that Christ shows me.  Tomorrow I see the girls for the first time in 2 months, I can’t wait to listen to everything they have to say from this summer but to also share with them all Christ is doing for them!  Be praying as our weekly visits start again tomorrow!

And So It Begins…

Check out The Beginning page!  Want updates on the girls?  Keep checking in frequently!